The Life of Blogger-Person


(Note: this blog post is meant to be a joke. Don't take it seriously by any means.) (Also I had no people in particular (except myself in no.2) in mind while writing this. Just don't get offended by anything here, okay, it's all meant to be funny. It might not be funny, but it's meant to be. Ha.)

1. Blogger-Person Starts Blog
First there's an ugly header, a layout which wobbles and needs tweaking. But Blogger-Person is proud of her (let's make Blogger-Person a girl, even though I know there are guy-bloggers) blog and she spends sweat, blood and tears trying to make it as nice as *insert her favourite blog* which, after some time, she realises will never happen. The first post is written in a flurry of excitement and oh, gleeful is the day when the follower-box has more than one for company. The first follower, after all, was Blogger-Person herself, because it's so much fun to see your own posts coming up in your own dashboard, ammirite?


2. Blogger-Person posts. A lot.
The first year of blogging often occurs in the years of little schoolwork and responsibilities. Happy were the days when Blogger-Person posted every day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes thrice. Inspiration was never low and inwardly she scorned those other blogger-peoples who said that they 'didn't know what to write about.' Why! The notion to her was impossible. Not know what to post about? The idea. The blogging world was an adventure and a thrill... she had 30 followers and finally had a celebrity status. And she really has the hang of it now. Like, she's giving all the New-Blogger-People advice.

3. Blogger-Person makes friends with other Blogger-People
This is an important stage in Blogger-Person's life and wins many new followers for her gain. If she's lucky some of her own favourite Blogger-People start interacting with her obviously it's time it make all the followers jealous by writing loads and loads of posts on how much fun they're having on their epic meet-up and by making sure to mention tons of inside jokes in the comments. Because it's so fun to tease readers and to brag about how intimate blogger friendships are. 


4. Blogger-Person moves blog & gets a fancy layout
The old blog posts are just far to embarrassing. Blogger-Person has changed and grown so much since she started this blog. Really, it is time for a new chapter in her life. She will continue blogging but it is time to venture in a new Blog. This time it is modern, SO LEGIT and fancy-schmancy. The title is the name of Blogger-Person and the sidebar has a cool gadget to show off the Instagram pictures. The blog posts only have pics made by Blogger-Person, and gifs of famous people, because Blogger-Person is no longer interested in what she was very interested in when she started blogging. She has grown; changed; and she is so so thankful for her darling followers for sticking around on her journey. *

5. Blogger-Person disappears forever
...but she has an Instagram account which is 100% active, so it's not like she's dead.
The disappearance of Blogger-Person is always mysterious, sometimes just offensive because we can SEE that she has a LOT OF TIME on her hands just looking at the Insta Gram. Blogger-Person gets married, Blogger-Person disappears. That's how things work. Or Blogger-Person get's too high-and-mighty for her lil' blog, she now finally has real life friends. Or Blogger-Person simply is too busy, she will say. Sometimes, after two years or something, A-now-Older-Blogger-Person returns (waaaaaaaat *comment section turns ecstatic*) with the promise that she will post more often. But that post with that promise really was the very last blog post.


(*EMMA I PROMISE I DID NOT WRITE THIS WITH YOU IN MIND.)

Comments

  1. No. 5. SPOT ON. Reading one of these posts and knowing that these (probably unintentionally) empty promises are actually blogger-code for farewell is one of the more depressing things in life.

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    Replies
    1. I know, right? But at least they TRIED to start again, you know. :-)

      Delete
  2. In my own defense, I never used the word journey. (And whoever has the blogger name Puddleduck has to be some kind of awesome.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you wouldn't. :-P
      Honestly, I didn't think of you when I wrote #4 till I'd finished it and then I thought, 'sheesh I hope Emma won't think I'm laughing at her cuz I'm not.' :-P
      And I agree, Puddleduck is an adorable profile name. :-)

      Delete
  3. Okay, this post ended on a depressing note. -cries for all the abandoned blogs out there-

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    Replies
    1. Let us take a silent moment to remember them.

      Delete
  4. THIS IS SO ACCURATE. I'm not sure I will ever disappear though, let's be honest, I love blooging so much I can imagine not doing it.

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  5. WHY DO YOU KEEP USING THE PRONOUN 'SHE'? Not all bloggers are girls!!! #genderstereotyping

    :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #welltherearemoregirlbloggersinmyopinion :-P

      Delete
  6. Please don't EVER complete step 5, Naomi! I will read your blog 50 years from now! (Kinda like how Jordan Taylor says he'll be making videos when he's 80 :P)

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    Replies
    1. I'M NOT PLANNING TO!! ;-) (But ya never know, so I can't promise. :-P) (But I promise I'm not planning to!!)

      Delete
  7. This is SO true!!!! Especially #4

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  8. Wow this is... sadly accurate... *I*, however, do not post on Instagram, so we all know I really AM too busy to post. ;D

    ...Well, I have a blog post actually ALL WRITTEN and only in need of pictures and its' been there since Thanksgiving... I should probably post that...

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  9. Sorry I'm so late to comment on this, but I just wanted you to know that I very much enjoyed this post. No. 5 was especially diverting. "Blogger-Person gets married, Blogger-Person disappears." Mwahaha. Yeah, anyway. What is it about marriage that makes people disappear off the face of the earth? ;)

    "But that post with that promise really was the very last blog post." Okay, I realize that's actually a rather sad fact, but I can't help smiling about it all the same. The predictability of it just humorous. :P

    Fun post, Naomi!

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  10. The one about the old blog being far too embarassing.. THATS ME

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  11. MY WHOLE BLOGGING LIFE SUMMED UP IN ONE POST. #canrelate #somuch

    ~Liv
    oliviakfisher.blogspot.com

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  12. Oh you can be sure I didn't take this seriously - I laughed my way through the whole thing. XD

    It's SSOOO painfully accurate, though!!

    (I like that Taylor Swift gif. :D)

    (OH OH AND LEONARDO DI CAPRIO. *swoooons*)

    Honestly, this was SO good!!!

    ~Miss Meg

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  13. Honestly, this pretty much me??? Like thinking you're a celebrity once you get thirty followers? MEEEEE. And, goodness, where DO the Blogger-People disappear to??? I mean, I guess when we START blogging we don't think about how LONG we plan on blogging for, or when we plan on quitting...? Obviously we don't plan on doing this indefinitely. I know I don't, anyway. So, like, when DO you stop? When you go to college? Get married? Have kids? Have a career? Get famous? WHEN?!!!

    ReplyDelete

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